One day, when your life will be calmer and the millions of fans will finally let you live, I hope you can read this letter (which is more than a silent monologue ...)
I searched your full name in the web (in a vain, childish and naive hope of finding your personal contact ... as if it were possible!) And lost in the midst of so much information, so many blogs, twitters, facebook ... Even if I lived two long lives I wouldn’t be able to read so much (dis) information ... So I gave up: it is easier to give up and, above all, because after some time searching for your life I realized I was not leaving mine
I will not say it was a waste of time: all worth it when, in the end, we got some teaching of that ...
I realized that all my fantasies and illusions wouldn’t be anything more than that, however noble my intentions were they would never be sufficiently nobles for those around me and even for me: Which intentions could I have regarding you?
I do not know you, do not know what your beliefs are, your political or religious affiliations, your faults and your strengths, not make the slightest ideas of who you are ... and yet, many words are spent to try define you…
I never quite understand what’s guiding me when it comes to you (it's too ridiculous to even try to explain): the unique and unshakable force that moves me is Edward Cullen and he does not exist!
You're beautiful, we already past this point long ago (though I’m sure you look upon your pictures from 10 years ago and feel like so out... It happens to all mortals), but what is beyond the ephemeral beauty ... What moves your legion? Have you ever stopped to think about it? Or even, is it worth thinking about it?
Without wishing to belittle your fans (I have a great respect for those who suffer because they can’t define reality and fiction - that, because most of the time I am also one) chase (hunting) you like they do feels so Dante's.
It is obvious that all of us, the public, we'd love to know the people we admire (and that's why they exist: because there are those who admire them) and once be able to break the routines of everyday life and have an experience so unreal and fantastic (as you know: It do not exist in my world, but it exist in yours ...)
But first we must get to understand why they are admired. Gandhi and Mother Teresa are admired for their endless kindness and generosity; Luther King for his belief in Human Kind, Shakespeare for his timeless writing, and Robert Pattison for Edward Cullen (you know what I mean?). I think there is much more than that and forgive me if, at this point, I’m not making you justice Mon Bel Ami ...
I would like to (for a second) understand what goes through the minds of thousands of people who follow you / and chase you (and there have been times when I wanted to be closer to be able to do it too ... sorry the honesty). And yet, I still do not know why. Why?
I heard you attended the event Hope for Haiti Now: congratulations! Your presence encourages anonymous people to help and it ‘s very noble (one more point for you – as if you needed)
You (like so many other actors, singers, football players ...) are one of those people who could well be an anonymous citizen, in his quiet and routine life, which cross with the rest of humanity as another face (even it it’s quite looking face like yours – you should see my teacher swimming pool or my co-worker – if they would be famous some day they will have a bunch of teenagers hunting them ...) but, fortunately, it wasn’t so... Unfortunately it is like that for millions who struggle to get a tenth of your attention: unmatched talented people (look at Susan Boyle) who strive a lifetime to do what they love, which make financial and family sacrifices, suffering, weeping silently day after day, without success ... To all of them my deep admiration.
Me, I'm nearly so, excluding the emerging talent and sacrifice (lol ...) but I cry in silence because I always wanted (since I can remember me) to write: not be a journalist or best sellers author... simply write. Too soon realized that money (or lack there it) moves over our lives than our reason to exist and, therefore, we live a long (and drag) without existence ...
Death does not worry me (and I will not include the concern about human soul existence...), which fills me with despair is to die without living, is passing far from the battle and be one among millions, have done nothing to perpetuate my name, not be remembered for more than a year by closest (and I, unlike many, I still have family that one day will remember me). And I have never had a thirst for fame, never wanted the spotlight, never wanted to have people to rake my past (all - ALL - have something to hide that make us uncomfortable regarding the past), never wanted to be famous ... But even in a much more real plan (on a smaller scale like, for example, my city) I wanted to be recall as having written that fabulous poem or that magnificent prose of a feeling that only I were able to express so sumptuously ...
Now I dreaming again (it's not about me but about you I want to talk) ...
At this point you’ll be wondering (if you have had patience to get so far): what’s this crazy want? And why me?
The answer to the first question is easy: I want you, in a childish way, to know that I exist (I want to know that I exist). Regarding the second question is more complicated ... even 20 sessions of psychotherapy will not make me understand ... And mainly, it's so clear: It’s what you represent - the man that all women would want to exist ... The prototype of a man not yet invent: The altruism, passion, unconditional love, the purity that no mortal can feel.
I read, in an eager and loving way, the four Twilight books ... It’s not only you I love. I also want to thank Stephanie Meyer for showing us that there isn’t impossible loves, Jacob Blake for fighting for a love that he believed possible knowing beforehand that it was a losing battle, the Cullen for reviving us family values that we tend to forget.
In real life we do not go into "games" that we know will lost, do not expose ourselves fearing a humiliation, we do not live fearing death. And here I digress again ...
I really wanted to make you understand why I’m write you, but however hard I tried I could not do it... life is full of moments like this: and they giving a special touch to our life - do not wonder why, waiting for the surprising results.
I believe that, at this stage of your life, you do not let yourself act without thinking of the consequences (not what people say or think about you, but how this might affect you): This is one of the things that I don’t envy you (it's like repeat high school over again!)
I hope ardently that one day (even many years from now) you can read this letter and answer me ... I would never say anything to anyone, just need to know the truth!
And if one day you need a place to hide yourself or to find yourself you can count on the Portuguese hospitality.
Remember me!
PS I can not end without saying that the day of your birthday is the day of Nossa Senhora de Fátima (if you want you can Google it!)
